When I was being interviewed for my mission, by the stake president all was well and done, and then he said he had one more question. He wanted me to think about it and answer honestly. He then asked me if I was attracted to or had any feelings for men. Suddenly, the room felt like HELL. Was it the spirit telling me to confess? Was it pure embarrassment that he knew? Was it my whole life plan falling apart? Did everyone get this question? I could scarcely breathe, in fact I'm short of breathe recalling it now. How long I sat there, I do not know. But after the aforementioned thoughts, I concluded that I was going on my mission, I was not going to wait and had to go and return in August so that I did not miss any school. I could not tell a lie, so I told myself then and there that I was not gay, not attracted to guys, what ever that meant. I was not attracted to men therefore, I could honestly say to the stake president, no. With an audible exhale, I answered, "no". "Are you sure" he said, "yep", I answered. The tension/spirit/whatever feeling dissipated and there was a bit of a joke or a smile and I was out of there. Then I felt sick. But was I lying to the Lord or to myself? I was kind of making the decision then and there that I was not going to be gay. Is that my decision to make? I think telling the stake president you are not attracted to men and trying to believe it yourself should count as a good try anyway.
How did you open your mission call? Was it anything like my experience? I would be interested to know. It was a beautiful blue sky Saturday afternoon. I had just been at the park, playing tennis, alone. I knew it was in the mailbox before I even looked. I had the feeling that today was the day. The previous Sunday, I had forced my folks to watch Called to Serve. (and yes, they are members) I knew we wouldn’t have anything that dramatic, but a little enthusiasm would have been welcome. My dad was in his recliner with the TV tuned to some dumb western. Mom was in the kitchen as usual. I doubt that my 14 year old brother was around and the 8 year old was playing on the dining room floor. I walked in, wordlessly, with the envelope. “Hello, it’s here. Hello” I turn off the TV and tried to get some attention. HELLO, don’t you want to know where I’ll be for the next two years? TV comes back on, move, you're in my way, I hear. Seriously. I just sat there wondering why even bother? I should just go to my room, where I spent most of my time anyway, and tell them later if they ever even asked. Finally mom came in and made dad turn off the TVand got the youngest brother to come in. I sat and opened the call. Elder Campbell, you are here by called to serve in the __________________ mission, etc, etc. "Oh good, that's nice", says mom. Click, dad turns the TV back on, wordlessly.
5 comments:
Thankfully when Number One Song got his mission call, our beloved bishop had the presence of mind to tell us he was bringing the cake, ice cream and the punch and it was our responsibility to invite all the friends, family and kids in the ward who would come and that he would be over in an hour or two. Bishop C you rock and so did your impromptu party!
Couldn't have done it without him.
I think its really sad that you're parents weren't there to share one of the biggest moments of your life with you.
I remember the day I got my call, where I was when I opened and how excited I was to be going to Baltimore. You're parents may have let you down, but you can be there for your kids to share in the excitement of some of the biggest steps they will ever take.
I don't think I can even remember opening my mission call. Oh wait, I remember something. My parents must have been there because I remember them commenting on the language and country - they weren't enthusiastic about the language, but said that the country "won't be so bad." Funny.
I definitely did not get the "are you attracted to me" question, but I imagine that I would have responded as you did. I certainly never felt comfortable around priesthood leaders and was always wary that they had a six sense and would figure it out if I ever talked to one for an extended period of time. And you, through several weeks in the MTC, I had convinced myself that I wasn't attracted to me anyway since I was it was never an issue there.
1. I never got the "attraction" question ever by any priesthood leader (then in my youth or now). I'm not sure how I would handle such a question now, but then, it would have been easy. I was so convinced that I had no attraction issues that I could have and would have honestly said - "no problems there Bishop!" and meant it.
2. I opened my call completely alone. I was away at school and it came hand delivered by my roommate's brother who got it from my parents. He slipped it under my dorm door. There were several roommate buddies who wanted me to open it with them there, but I was too scared and afraid I'd be disappointed, and so I kicked them out of the room, said a prayer and with a heavy sigh, opened my call alone.
Unlike you, my parents were screaming to know, and I called them soon thereafter and shared the joy that became a life-changing experience.
I really feel bad for you that your parents were so disinterested and unengaged in your life. Like MJ said above, take to heart this diappointment and don't let it repeat itself with your kids.
I opened my mission call in a park behind the SL Visitors center sister missionary's apartments.(that's a mouthful.) I had my now-husband with me. My parents were in Asia, I think. My now- husband was with me when I took out my endowments prior to my mission call, he was there at the MTC when I left, he was at the airport when I left the MTC, and he was at the airport three months later when I came home. Oh, and he was there nine months later when we got married. He told me that he was gay one week before I entered the MTC. 15 years ago.
Post a Comment