“Because Happy is what happens, when all your dreams come true”-Glinda
I was baptized at 8, moved straight up the Priesthood to Elder, did the mission thing. Got married, less than 4 months after that, and started poppin’ out babies before getting my undergrad from the Y. Isn’t that what we were supposed to do? I now have a great job, a great family, a just right house. I go to church for 6+ hours on Sunday and sometimes during the week. I do what is asked of me. I help the wife around the house , cooking and cleaning, etc. For the most part we get along amicably .
I don’t have time to be gay. I am busy at work, at home/garden, with church, with all the kids activities, I just don’t have time for it. Sure, I’m checkin’ out the guys wherever I go, but I don’t have time to do anything about it. That’s how I can stay perfect. Stay busy. Thanks also to a friend who made me think that for every one of us bloggers, there are probably 4 SSA guys getting by without the drama, just leading a normal perfect life, like me.
I am not an overly passionate person. Several years ago, I found this you tube video that describes my current approach to life, or more specially my life in the church. Raise the bar. I don’t need to go overboard and burn out. I have a friend who is all wild and crazy about the church and trying to convert the world, when he is not inactive. Seeing him yo-yo like that has taught me to walk the line. He has the strongest testimony of anyone I know, but hasn’t been to church in years because he can’t live up to whatever over-active expectations he sets for himself. That’s why I’m just dancing through life! (Although, I know, He knows, exactly what I need. -me paraphrasing Galinda.)
4 comments:
I love the video! I am like your friend - dramatic swings from one end of the "activity" scale to the other... I have effectively ended the cycle though in some ways.
You say dancing through life, but what I am reading between the lines is simple "balance".
Balance is the key! And so why does life always seem so out-of-balance?
Those I admire the most are those who are constant in their efforts to go about doing good - not "converting the world" good, but just doing good and being consistent at it.
Regarding being "too busy to be gay" - yeah, I've lived that lie. It seems true when you're really busy doing "good things" that you don't have time to dwell on it - but sooner or later it comes back to haunt you and you erupt like a volcano.
Balance with being gay is my new approach - being all consumed in it distorts life's view. Being busy is good as I do good things for goodness sake, but being busy to escape and avoid what I really am as a gay man... well, that leads to disaster.
@ Reina, yay for you, you got it right in reading between the lines.
@Beck yep, I'm living the lie, but it's kinda working now, as long as the scale doesn't tip too far the wrong way.
I like Beck's statement about not living a lie. When a person feels that way, the tendency to eventually go overboard is probably stronger. Better to have the balance, as both Reina and Beck have suggested.
This doesn't mean a person needs to have a coming out party. But it's probably a good idea to stop trying to compensate for "being gay." There's nothing wrong with being gay, and being a overly-busy overly-dedicated church member might exasperate the "volcano" and leave a person feeling drained or resentful.
When I started to really acknowledge my ssa feelings, I actually took a breather from lots of church related things (and even some family things). I didn't go inactive, but I decided that I would participate at the level that I felt comfortable. And I'm still here. For me, slow and steady has been the key to happiness.
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